<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Hearts Aren't Supposed to Hurt Like This by TheyDontBurnLikeUs_27</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27828298">Hearts Aren't Supposed to Hurt Like This</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheyDontBurnLikeUs_27/pseuds/TheyDontBurnLikeUs_27'>TheyDontBurnLikeUs_27</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Game of Thrones (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Cousin Incest, Depressing, Drama &amp; Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Half-Sibling Incest, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Nightmares, Star-crossed, Tragic Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:21:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,097</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27828298</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheyDontBurnLikeUs_27/pseuds/TheyDontBurnLikeUs_27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jon Snow has been by himself for a long time and he's in too much pain to pretend any different, Arya's death destroyed him and it's all he can do to keep the nightmares and memories at bay during his waking hours. Then one day Sansa comes to his chambers telling him that there is a girl in the maesters tower asking for him. Slight AU, INCEST (Don't Like Don't Read)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jon Snow &amp; Arya Stark, Jon Snow &amp; Sansa Stark, Jon Snow/Arya Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>55</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Hearts Aren't Supposed to Hurt Like This</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So warning this is Incest and it's a bit OOC, mostly because my focus for this fic was how love changes people. Since Arya and Jon's relationship is so much more intense in the books I wanted to explore what losing that would do to them, also AU because I was being lazy :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Sansa had first arrived at Winterfell she had been ecstatic to see her half brother standing in the courtyard and had thrown herself into his arms, she had waited confusedly for him to return her desperate embrace and was terribly confused when he remained frozen. Surely he was not still mad at her for flaunting his bastard name when they were children? She held no delusions of lost love between them but Jon had always been a sweet boy and he had never hated her.</p><p>In her confusion, Sansa pulled away from Jon and caught sight of him for the first time, he looked truly awful. "Jon?" she hesitantly asked, looking into his stormy gray eyes that were full of such despair and guilt that she couldn't hold his gaze for more than a moment and instantly felt heat pricking behind her eyes. The sadness was so overwhelming she could never begin to imagine what had caused it, he looked exhausted, miserable, and nearly dead with his messy hair, pale skin, and dark shadows around his eyes.</p><p>But even worse was the pain in his grey orbs. Sansa had seen many tortured souls in her life and they all had that pained look in their eyes but Jon looked to be in true agony, his despair a dark shroud around him.</p><p>Sansa's knees gave out and she went crashing to the ground still grasping at the front of her half brothers' furs tears flowing down her cheeks. The Jon she remembered was as gone as the rest of them and Sansa wept bitter tears at the thought of his eyes.</p><p>Naturally every time one of her family members died she clutched closer to those who were still out there, somewhere. Now she was to lose Jon as well.</p><p>It wasn't until later that she met Bran again, but he too had changed beyond recognition and Sansas could only smile gently at him before retreating to her chambers to cry.</p><p>It had been a year since that day and often at night, Sansa dreamed of her family. Her mother lived longer than Sansa would have expected and her father shorter, Bran did not deserve the absolute misery that befell him at such a young age, Rickon was too young to really understand what was happening, Robb was too kind to be king, Arya, god Arya would have been better at this than anyone, Sansa had always secretly thought that Arya would be the one to survive, but it didn't matter because they were gone, even in her dreams. And Sansa always woke frozen in twisted sheets hearing Jon's screams echoing through the castle.</p><p>Sansa usually didn't go back to sleep after her nightmares, even if she had wanted to she couldn't sleep over Jon's terrified screams from across the hall. The first night after Sansa returned she had heard Jon yelling and she had run to him and shook him awake only to be met with the most pained sobs she could imagine. Jon's chest was heaving and covered in sweat, his frantic gestures and garbled words unintelligible through body wracking sobs, never in all her life had Sansa seen such grief, and not knowing how to handle her brother's pain she fled the room. Sansa never woke him again after that but she often snuck into his room and made sure he did not hurt himself by falling off the bed or something of that matter. It was stupid, she got the feeling that Jon couldn't be in more pain if he tried.</p><p>It was for this reason that she had been so panicked when instead of waking before dawn to Jon's heartbroken screams, she woke to the midday sun shining through her window and light snow falling outside. Panicking she threw on a fur robe over her nightdress and ran barefoot into the freezing stone corridor. "Where is Jon!" she desperately inquired the maid she ran into who looked nervous when affronted with King Bran's sister "I do not know my lady, he simply said he was going out and would return shortly" Sansa calmly thanked her and retreated back into her room to get dressed horrified at her lack of eloquence and mulling over the words Bran spoke to her upon their reunion a year ago when the topic of Jon was brought up "he has lost more than we could begin to imagine" Sansa had frowned but Bran had continued "he died for her you know, but living for her was too much," Bran said cryptically "Who?" Sansa asked and Bran just shook his head "In time dear sister, in time" he had replied.</p><p>_______________________________________________________</p><p>Jon lay on the snowy ground by the hot spring tears dripping down his cheeks, he was so tired, in every sense of the words and he didn't think he could go on for even one more minute. This life he was living without her was agony and his tears fell to the water creating small ripples as he hugged himself gasping for breath through his sobs, every breath, every memory more painful than the last…</p><p>"Jon!" Arya exclaimed in excitement "Are you okay" Jon questioned tumbling toward his little sister out of the bushes "Look what I found! And it's so warm!" Jon smiled at Arya's discovery of the small hot spring. As Jon watched Arya stripped off her furs jumping into the water with only her small clothes on and splashing him. "Come in Jon!" she called "it's so warm!" He grumbled to himself before pulling off his furs and climbing in after his sister. They splashed each other for what felt like hours and when Arya finally grew tired they would just sit in the hot water until it got too hot and Arya would climb out and roll around in the snow before jumping back into the water squealing. Once Arya had calmed down more Jon was going to suggest they go home when Arya interrupted him "Jon this is our place, okay so you can't show Robb" He laughed at that and Arya pouted at him. "Please Jon" she begged "Of course I won't Ar, I will never show it to anyone." he said with a small sincere smile "If we ever get lost or separated we can meet here okay?" he smiled at her and messed her hair "okay little wolf."</p><p>Jon's cheek burned from the icy snow against his bare skin and his tears froze to his lashes and cheeks. He wanted so bad to just freeze there as close to Arya as possible, but he couldn't, he would not go to her in cowardice.</p><p>It took him hours to get home and by then all he could do was rip the clothes from his body before collapsing on his bed, sweaty black curls spread in a dark halo around his tear soaked face.</p><p>_______________________________________________________</p><p>Arya rode through the gates of Winterfell, tears blurring her vision, she bent over her horse clutching her bloody stomach as the thick red liquid seeped through her finger and stained her skin the same way the heart tree had so long ago. She was finally home and she could barely keep her eyes open long enough to see it. "Not Today" she forced out gently laying her face on her mare's neck and trying to keep her eyes open as the darkness came at the edge of her vision.</p><p>_______________________________________________________</p><p>"Jon" Sansa called tiredly knocking on his door and hearing whimpering noises from inside she gently pushed the door open to find Jon sprawled on his bed wrapped in twisted furs thrashing as though he was being tortured. Sansa frowned as Jon thrashed and screamed, she was frozen in place until her half brother finally woke with a strangled gasp and a sob, shaking he looked to her with wide haunted eyes pushing his sweat-soaked raven curls from his pale face giving Sansa a confused look as she avoided his bed-chamber at all costs.</p><p>"Sansa?" he forced out but nearly choking on the words in his panicked state. However, his sister's eyes were locked on his hideously scarred torso before snapping back to his face "there's a girl in the maesters tower who was stabbed in the stomach, they say she is dying but she just keeps saying your name." Jon frowned at his sister's horrified gaze returned to his broad muscled chest. Feeling horribly exposed Jon pulled on a tunic and forced himself to his feet brushing his inky curls away from agonized eyes.</p><p>Sansa seemed upset but Jon ignored it as he was led to the tower, the thought of the dying girl who was asking for him barely crossed his mind as the images from his nightmares were far more prominent.</p><p>He barely even looked up when Sansa opened the heavy door but when he finally at the occupant of the bed he felt like someone had just shoved a sword through his abdomen "no" he muttered wanting nothing more than to run as fast and as far as he could. How could the world be so cruel? He wondered, his heart sinking a billion miles below the earth's surface as he felt something tightening around his chest and crushing his ribs and heart in the vice-like grip.</p><p>"Jon, Jon, what's wrong," Sansa asked, laying a hand on her brother's bicep only to have her attention drawn to the younger girl sprawled on the bed covered in blood "Jon," she said quietly forcing herself up onto her elbows knife still lodged in her stomach.</p><p>Jon remained frozen for a moment before his knees gave out and he went tumbling into the stone wall, eyes never leaving his sister. "Arya" he chokes out, voice nearly too thick to understand. "What are you talking about Jon" Sansa hissed "Arya is dead."</p><p>"'m not dead," Arya said voice thick with pain as Jon stumbled to her side "no" Jon whispered frantically shaking his head "no you died" suddenly pain flashes across Arya's face as the maester pulls the knife free, instantly staunching the blood flow by applying hard pressure to her wound. Arya instinctually grabs Jon's hand squeezing his calloused fingers as pain forces its way onto her features. "No, I didn't" Arya forces out but Jon cuts her off by grabbing the back of her neck and crushing his lips to hers.</p><p>He holds his sister flush to his chest in a desperate embrace, shoving his hot tongue into her mouth and stroking hers in slow deliberate movements both desperate to be as close as possible, to overcome the years spent apart.</p><p>Arya's body however was still weak and she trembled against Jon, lightly pushing him away from her to get some desperately needed air. Jon wrapped his arms around her waist lowering her to the bed and ignoring the horrified noises Sansa was making as he buried his face in Arya's side, his whole body shaking with confused sobs.</p><p>_______________________________________________________</p><p>She slowly became aware of her body, everything was heavy, painful, and aching. Her back was on fire from barely healed lashes and she was painfully aware of the hole in her stomach. But when she focused past the pain she was also aware of a familiar warmth pressed against her.</p><p>She racked her exhausted brain for any sort of conclusion.</p><p>Her first thought was Gendry but she dismissed it quickly, he had always smelled of sweat and iron. Not to mention he was gone now.</p><p>After another moment she seemed to wake up a bit more, some of the heaviness receding from her thoughts. After that the conclusion was simple.</p><p>"Jon?" she whispered roughly finally, finding the strength to open her eyes. She was surprised to find Jon both awake and in tears. "Are you alright?" she forced out somehow managing to move her body closer to her brothers. Jon just shook his head, raven curls brushing Arya'sq shoulder as he let out a badly restrained sob.</p><p>"There was so much blood" he whispered quietly against Arya's neck planting teary kisses along her skin. She tried to soothe him but it seemed fruitless as his tears continued to drip off his face and soak the skin he was kissing. " I lost you once and it killed me, I don't know what I would have done if you…" his sentence was left hanging in the air punctuated by another sob.</p><p>Arya felt a hot tear roll down her cheek as she wrapped her arms around Jon whispering comforting words into his ear and pressing kisses to his cheek and hair as he cried.</p><p>When they were younger Jon had never cried in front of her the one exception being when Arya left Winterfell.</p><p>It seemed like time had done nothing to sever the connection between them and Jon's thoughts were, as always, close to Aryas. "You promised you'd come back" he finally whispered with so much pain in the five words that Arya wanted to wrap him up in her embrace and hold him under the furs forever.</p><p>"I'm so sorry" she whispered brokenly trying to brush Jon's curls from his eyes without pulling too much at her stitches. "I did everything I could to come home to you" Arya whispered remembering the endless nights on the road with Yoren, Gendry, and Hot Pie. All those days traveling North and longing for the warmth of her brother's embrace, All those nights clutching needle close to her heart and praying to the old gods, All those mornings wrapped in Gendry's arms and longing for the comfort of Jons bed.</p><p>"And when I heard of your death I tried to forget everything because I knew I couldn't live without you." Jon just shook his head a little bit and tightened his grip on Arya's upper arm and waist. By now they were both crying, covered in salty kisses as they tried to reconcile themselves with the feeling of being whole, of finally holding each other again.</p><p>"I tried so hard to keep breathing when all I wanted was to die, I kept telling myself to keep going, that you'd be proud of me" Jon growled out looking down at her "meanwhile you did everything in your power to forget me" he mumbled his anger evaporating as quickly as it had come "I know how much it hurts Arya, but I don't understand how you could forget me," he mumbled burying his face in her neck.</p><p>"It wasn't you I was trying to forget'' she responded sullenly carding her fingers through his hair as he shook against her. "I never forgot that night before I left, when you asked me to leave with you" he lifted his head to look at her, his dark grey eyes meeting hers, confusion evident "I should have gone with you, I shouldn't have cared what Mother or Father or Sansa thought because I loved you and the only reason I didn't go was that I was afraid." she spit out the words like they were bitter in her mouth "I have regretted that every day of my life but I can't change it and knowing that you died because of my foolishness…" her sentence was left unfinished as her tears finally rendered her speechless "I can't… I'm so sorry… For everything" she mumbled as her tears soaked Jon's chest, making her cheek itchy and hot against her brother's skin.</p><p>Jon finally broke the silence, his calloused hands resting on the small of her back and pressing her chest closer to his "But you remember me now" he said rubbing circles on her back. She raised her watery eyes to look at him, she took a deep breath as if she were trying to steady her voice. "Even when I forgot myself I never forgot you" she whispered, "you are all the best parts of me."</p><p>Jon leaned down and kissed her again, harder than before but still mindful of her injuries, a concern Arya didn't seem to share as she arched her back, pressing her hips against his in a desperate attempt to be closer to each other. When they finally broke away both were out of breath and Arya looked like she was in a fair amount of pain trapped under her brother's body.</p><p>Jon looked at her slightly sheepishly, but the expression was somewhat ruined by the pain in his eyes. He was more gentle with Arya now that the moment of passion was over and she was left in pain beneath him. Raising himself up on his forearms he rolled off of her and brought her with him until her head was once more resting over his heart.</p><p>"I love you so much" Jon mumbled holding her against him gently and letting his hands roam over her body to eventually tangle in her dark hair "I love you to" she whispered into his shoulder so quietly he didn't hear it but rather felt the vibrations against his skin.</p><p>They lay like that for a while under the thick furs the only interruption being Jon's uneven breathing as he tried to repress more tears "I don't think I'll ever believe this is true" he mumbled "I've dreamt it to many times" in response to this Arya wrapped her arms tighter around Jon and tried to soothe him when his breathing was ragged, pulling him back from a panic attack the same way she had done since they were children.</p><p>When his breathing finally evened out enough that only his tears were left to soothe Arya reached to brush them from his cheeks, Jon never let her get that far and instead captured her hand between his and lifted them to his mouth brushing a kiss over her knuckles and laying the hand over his heart.</p><p>"Please promise me" Jon started before pausing to draw a shaky breath "that you'll never leave me again" he finished with difficulty as a new round of tears assaulted him. Arya let out a deep breath trying to banish the tears from her grey eyes "I swear to the old gods and the new, I'll never leave you again Jon, not this time." With those words, Jon finally slumped deeper into the pillow, his relief apparent as Arya reached one more time to brush his hair away from his eyes. "I love you" they both whispered at the same time, smiling at the familiar moment because right then, for about three whole seconds they both believed things would be alright in the end.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>